FAST CARS FAST
WOMEN
(1981, dir: Scott McHaley)
“With Every Lap She Will Shift Your Gears!!!”
(1981, dir: Scott McHaley)
“With Every Lap She Will Shift Your Gears!!!”
Our
film opens up with a cute little blonde named Kristy, played by
Sylvia Benedict (The Bitch Goddess), getting pulled over by a cop.
Even though she is more than willing to 'cooperate' with the officer,
she still gets the ticket! No need to worry though, she's on her way
straight away because she has an appointment with the feisty Molly,
head of the Davis Racing Team, played by Kay Parker (Sexworld).
Before that however, she has some catching up with her old room-mate
Casey, played by Carolyn Jackson (Anytime Anyplace). I think you know
what I mean by 'catching up'. As they are busy being reacquainted, we
meet Molly's rival. He's a sleazy piece of work named Orson, played
by Al Chiurrizi (in his only starring role). His second in command is
Dutch, played by Ron Jeremy (Orgazmo). He too is a sleazy piece of
shit, but with added moustache! Dutch wants to buy Molly out, but she
is one tough cookie. So much so, that even the blatant tampering of
her cars (which lead to a fatality) won't make her succumb to his
harassment. That's one hell of a woman right there! Anyway, once
Kristy has met with Molly and has been warned about the potential
dangers, she's on the team straight away and ready for action. Before
we get to see any racing action, there's a hell of a lot 'team
bonding'. Enough to make even the likes of Bernie Eccleston blush!
Once we do get to the tracks, Kristy sure shows us that she knows her
way around a gear stick. Will her new career take off? Will she be
Dutch's next victim? Can she be bought!? Well, you're going to have
to buckle yourself in and find out for yourself!
Fast
Cars Fast Women is a very enjoyable piece of film. There's a great
story there that has depth and is somewhat original. The acting isn't
the greatest, but the likes of Ron Jeremy and Kay Parker more than
make up for that. The female cast throughout (PATRIARCHY WARNING!)
are very pleasing on the eye, but not only that, they are all strong
characters. The racing action is well done, but is taken down a gear
compared to the 'off road' action. Speaking of which, the hardcore
elements of this entry are all solid and if you like a bit of lady
love, there's enough here to shake a stick at. It's always a good
thing seeing Kay Parker on screen! Aesthetically, this film is very
competent. There's a great use of an actual racetrack and some of the
cars on display are just as nice to look at as the female cast. It's
shot well and stock footage is incorporated somewhat seamlessly, we
are nowhere near Mattei territory in that regard! For those looking
for some good laughs, there's some really spot on humour throughout.
There's even a nice amount of fighting in the film. It's clear this
was directed by a stuntman! All in all a solid effort that has
something for everyone!
STARSHIP EROS
(1979, dir: Scott McHaley)
“A probing of sensual space...”
(1979, dir: Scott McHaley)
“A probing of sensual space...”
We
are thrown in to the future. 1995 to be exact! We join the all female
crew of the Feminist Regime Starship Eros headed by big haired
Commander Venus, played by Lily Rogers (Indecent Exposure).
Her crew consist of the cute and sex starved newcomer, Executive
Officer Moon, played by Becky Savage (Sexloose),
the nearly as cute Communications Officer Bev, played by Beth Evans
(in her only starring role) and their part human / part not quite
C-3PO robot assistant Quasar, played by Mike Ranger (Taboo).
The new Executive Officer makes quite an 'impression' on her new
colleagues. Even good ol' Quasar gets to experience her credentials
hands on, even if there are the occasional wiring problems (robots
can suffer too!). After the usual greetings, the team embark on their
Search and Destroy mission, involving a ship piloted by raging
lesbian Amazoids! Even with such an important mission ahead of her,
Moon can't help but make the most of her new robotic companion, so
much so that this leads to a punishment (I think) at the hands of
Commander Venus. It makes Princess Lea's enslavement look like
child's play... Ok, maybe not! After her punishment, the crew manage
to track the damaged (oh, there was an uneventful dogfight by the
way) Amazoid ship to a nearby planet. Before the crew of Starship
Eros have chance to land, they manage to beam up Megan, the Amazoid
captain from the ship before it explodes. Naturally, they interrogate
her and show her what a man is like (poor Quasar, you'll know when
you see Megan!). Yep, more 'torture' ensues! Oh well, at least
Quasar's wiring problem gets sorted out and hey! Megan becomes a new
member of the crew! Not even Star Trek showed us this much unity!
All
in all, Starship Eros
is an entertaining piece of hardcore sci-fi that is blatantly (some
may say poorly) cashing in on the Star Wars
and Star Trek
boom of the time. McHaley has written and directed a fairly solid, if
not obscenely simple story that plays second fiddle to the hardcore
elements directed by producer Wesley Emmerson (Foreplay).
That being said, it's clear that the story wasn't just thumbed in
after hard scenes were shot. The sex, although seemingly dominating
the runtime, work well within the film and are done to a high
standard. If you have ever wanted to see a glorified C-3PO halloween
costume getting down, you're gonna get a laugh from the scenes he
stars in. Personally, I could have done with more Quasar, but oh
well. Arguably the stars of the show are actually the special effects
and miniatures created by McHaley and K.M. Kemper. Although crude and
nowhere near as good as what we would see from the likes of Star Trek
and Star Wars, they do add a level of scope to the film and add
production value. The aesthetic elements of the film as a whole are
impressive and are captured nicely by Pablo Lepell's (Weekend
Fantasies) cinematography. All
of the charm can be found within those elements. The score (I'm
guessing a collection of library tracks) is the icing on the cake. As
far as low budget (the film was shot within a few days in a basement)
hardcore sci-fi goes, this is an enjoyable and competent enough
effort. Not bad for a directorial debut from a stuntman!
The DVD double feature is available from Vinegar Syndrome here, as well as your favourite online retailers.
PDx